I have to keep this entry short as I have friends visiting. I worked hard and kept very busy today. I feel like my head is clearing up and it is getting easier to focus for short periods of time. I still have a cold and sore throat, so feel slightly under the weather. Each day I am sober, things will get cleared and brighter. I am going to spend more time reading, learning, and maybe even blogging!
But I smoked today as well. I got a little bit last night and smoked this evening while I cleaned, and before my friends arrived. It felt great, no burnout, my head was clear for the rest of the night. What a horrible thing. Before I wrote this, I didn’t feel bad about it, but now that I see it on the page, it is really upsetting. WTF am I doing if I want to quit that badly. I can’t smoke just a little….its the addict in me. I will dispose of the rest of the pot I have left. About $20 worth. Sober Tomorrow!
Days Sober: 0
I have put a lot of time into this blog in the last week. It is up and running now and developing nicely, even though the poll is still messed up. Next week I promised myself not to drink or smoke. It will be easier not to smoke if I am not in a drinking environment. I will also not be exposed to as many regular smokers, thus will be able to avoid that temptation. I am going to have to develop some resistance to social pressures, and will spend part of the next week investigating how.
Happy Weekend Everyone.
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I understand your despair, as I have been through it many times.
It seems to help to lock yourself away from the places and people your associate with who smoke. It is hard to miss your friends, but your real friends will still be there when you are feeling better.
I’m in the same boat as you, man. 17 years of essentially smoking every day, all day (outside of the week I didn’t smoke because I had pneumonia). I’m now going on one week sober. I’m climbing the walls, feeling depressed, angry, desperate,edgy, and just not “normal”. Funny how over time being stoned out of my mind all day is “normal”, and now being sober and having non-dulled feelings is the weird thing.
The only thing I keep myself moving forward with is thinking about is many of the things you have outlined here. Loss of money, damaged relationships, bad health (I’ve gained nearly 80 pounds since the day I started smoking and now have type-2 diabetes), and I’m one failed drug test away from losing my well-paying job.
It’s just that marijuana has been such a huge part of my life, half of my entire life to be exact, that I can’t imagine living without it. I can’t imagine living without some sort of buzz. Coming home from work every day isn’t nearly the same because I don’t have the rewarding smoke to look forward to. I feel like doing the things I enjoy doing won’t feel the same because I used to always do them high.
I can only hope that some of these feelings will subside over time and I’ll start feeling a little bit more human (lol). But as of right now this is the hardest goddamned thing I’ve ever done.
Thanks for this site, as many of the other sites I’ve looked at in regards to quitting are from a perspective of a medical professional/rehab person offering suggestions to quit. This site is more personal because it’s essentially one addict to another. Not everything here is a victory over weed addiction, you share your failures as well as any good progression you make. It’s an example of real life, not some site full of namby-pamby platitudes and unrealistic goals.
I’ll be sure to keep up with your struggle and feel free to contact me any time via email. You’re not alone.