This is Part #3 of a 4 part series on my reason to quit smoking weed.
As seen in Part 1, and Part 2 I believe that it is a great idea to create an inventory of all of the reasons that I want to quit smoking weed. This servers 2 purposes: To clarify the negative effects of marijuana addiction in my life, and to use as a reference guide when I crave smoking pot, and think about relapsing.
The Negative Effects of Marijuana on my Relationships:
Friendships: Most of the people I associate are stoners, or smoke pot sometimes. Because so much of my life is lived whilst stoned, it is easiest to associate with people that enable me to get high. I also turn down or spoil friendships because I don’t call people back or check my messages on a regular basis. Being stoned is a comfort bubble, as long as you exist within that bubble, the rest of the world can wait. Marijuana is the common theme of most of my friendships, very few get deeper than that.
Commitments: Because weed effects my short term memory so much, I am often late or forget about commitments that I should honor. I also do not like to commit to any regular or scheduled activity, because it may interfere with my ability to smoke pot and get high.
Girlfriends: I went through a period of hiding the fact that I smoked weed from my girlfriends. It always backfired. Every relationship I have had or attempted has been negatively affected by my smoking. For example, multiple times I have left a date early to go smoke pot alone, or have my mind on getting high rather than paying attention to the person I am with. I can also be very quiet and introverted while high on marijuana, so it makes it difficult to maintain conversations, sometimes even eye contact. Basically, I resent that a girlfriend interferes with my unrestricted access to smoking marijuana, and the mental and emotional state of being high.
Family: I am lucky to have a family that does not demonize marijuana. They are unaware of the extent of my addiction and I feel ashamed of it. I always thought that there were great expectations for me (from both family and myself) that haven’t been met because of my chronic marijuana addiction.
Conversation: I consider myself to be a well-spoken articulate person – when sober. Sometimes my memory gets so bad I forget what I was saying, the word I wanted to say, or I mispronounce a word. If I am itching for weed, my mind is elsewhere and I may space out and not pay attention to the other half of the conversation. I am not as sharp, while high, as I am when sober.
Social Anxiety and Paranoia: When I am in public and stoned, I think I hear people talking about me and laughing at me sometimes. Even though I know this not to be the case, I get quite anxious and embarrassed. I struggle to make eye contact with people when I am baked, and am more likely to introvert myself and my thoughts, body language, and actions. I would never go and chat up a group of girls while stoned – I could do it sober far more easily. I also get anxious about driving, about smelling like pot around coworkers and the general public. I also worry about coworkers, friends, and family knowing about how bad I crave pot, and how much of a stoner I am. No 6 year old says “I want to grow up to be pothead”.
See Also
Part 1 Physical Reasons to Quit Marijuana
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{ 72 comments… read them below or add one }
hi mate,
good article. thanks for writing this stuff. i have been a weed smoker for about 14 years and today is my first day of quitting for real
(i have tried a few times in the past but not with the same conviction!)
good luck! have a nice dope free christmas
matt
I very much appreciate your honesty. It takes courage. You are obviously an intelligent person who, like me and so many others, took a wrong turn. You are helping a lot of people overcome their own addiction to pot by sharing your experiences and revealing the truth about marijuana addiction. My experiences of the negative effects are almost exactly the same, point by point. Thank you for this blog. You have my upmost support.
I’m so glad that i found this Blog. People think MJ is not a real addiction. This is the greatest struggle of my life. MJ has suppressed my soul for years. I’ve always worshipped it and thought of it as my friend – peace in time of turmoil, but the reality is that it is a demon that won’t go away. It chips away at your soul. It makes you selfish.
Last nite my wife found my little stash and the fireworks began. I’m really afraid that my marriage might be in serious jeopardy because of it. She said she knows it’s not a matter of life and death, but how can she trust me now that I lied to her about never doing it again. I feel absolutley terrible about the situation that I’ve created. I dumped the weed in the toilet and smashed the pipe with a hammer and destroyed it, but I don’t know what to do about my wife. I love her more than anything and I’ve really dissappointed her, and myself. Just wondering if anyone else has been in the same situation and what you did. My wife and family is worth more than a $20 bag of weed. Any repsonses will be greatly appreciated.
emptyhead
Hi emptyhead i am in a similar position to you except i am the opposite side my partner smokes it and lies about how much etc he spend all our money and even money we dont have on that shit and i am seriously thinking of leaving him.
I would suggest if you want to keep your wife that you tell her what you have said on here and get help for your addiction and some couples therapy so she can see your journey through recovery that might help the trust issue
Good luck and well done for thinking you family are worth more than weed i doubt my partner feels the same about me
all the best
Frienships? what friends? what partner?
Mary Jane has been the love of my life.
The social anxiety has only gotten worse as the weed is better.
Self-concious, paranoid, withdrawn.
I’m hoping to find ways to meet NEW friends as I let go of this old one.
My quit date is April 1st, and I plan to go cold turkey.
Smoking marijuana is like a big gorilla on my back. A big fat gorilla that keeps me from reaching my full potential in life. Like many others have already mentioned, smoking the bud feels like the only way to relieve stress. It’s just such an easy way to pass the time, becaue you don’t have to exert yourself – and the truth is – you don’t even want to exert yourself. Yeah, sure, maybe you won’t go and rob your neighbor’s house, but you will be robbing your own mind, your prolonged happiness (Not just your “high”), and most of all, your future.
I used to be a pimp daddy mack with all the ladies, but ever since I’ve I decided to court Mary Jane, and Mary Jane alone, I’ve just been too anxious and self-conscious to put myself out there.
Anyways, this blog really drove the point home that MARIJUANA CAN TRULY AFFECT YOU IN MANY NEGATIVE WAYS!!
Thanks
When I smoke weed it gives me a warm feeling inside. And the splff has become my company and my companion for the last 7 years. I used it originally to numb feelings of anger and it has been a way of me coping with my problems for many years. I don’t regret starting smoking, but i need to get an inner strengh that is not at the mercy of addiction to produce my best work, and to be true to myself and in control of my decisions. Reading that many are preparing to quit the spliff is inspiring. Thanks.
Ive been smoking for about 15 months, im 17 and just recently my parents have caught me smoking marijuana three times in one month leaving me in question either run away or try and stop. I already feel all the sympthoms from just 13 months, and still today I have short term memory problems and barely remember my early childhood. I’m afriad of permanet damage, but after 2 and a half weeks of being clean I feel a little more of the in body experience.
I still hang out with all my stoner friends but its hard to do stuff with them, because its not as fun anymore. Im becoming more active and plan on quiting, atleast till after high school.
I have been a pot smoker my whole life off and on. During my twenties I was a soccer, suburbia mom with three children so I did very little smoking during this time. Then in my early thirties I came down with rhemuatiod arthritis. Being in severe pain I turned to pot because I don’t like taking opiates and celebrex was causing people heart damage. Need less to say my arthritis is in control with the help of legal drugs like methotraxate and Enbrel I’m not in sever pain all the time, yet I’m still smoking pot. Why….because I like it. But my husband (an alcoholic and none smoker) does not….he is resentful of the friendship I have with my dealer. My husband knows that I love him and plan on being with him the next 25 years just like the last 25 years. But he can’t help but feel as if I am crossing some line a married 43 year old women shouldn’t do with a 34 year old man. He knows that I enjoy this mans company more then his…(not in the way your thinking). I enjoy that this man lets me be me, no judging, no hypocritcal remarks, and we have a lot in common….but now after reading some of these comments I realize the only real thing me and my drug dealer have in common is….we are both isolated potheads that don’t really fit into the socially accepted society that we live in. So I’m working hard to find the desire to quit. It’s been 90 hours so far. I don’t know which I miss more…my pot or my friendships that I am mourning….
In my opinion i use to be a very sociable person with a magnetic character. And i didn’t notice much of a change until after about a year of smoking pot. Like most of the ppl who left their comments i became very self conscious and insecure and antisocial. It even got to a point where ppl wud notice that i’m so insecure from the Second they met me. Up until i read this blog i wasn’t aware that there were ppl out there who thought lyk me. I’m glad, relieved and inspired. I want my life back… 24hrs& running
first day here too. Im tired of getting stoned too many days in a row and getting foggy and reduced to base thoughts and urges. duh.. eat, sit, doodle a picture, duh… go to work, float through the shift like a ghost, smoke again even though I smoked today twice.
MY GIRLFRIEND doesnt mind if I smoke weed, she thinks its good for me. keeps me totally chill.
a cure for insomnia!
Have you ever heard of “locked-in syndrome?”
People might get it after a severe stroke. Paralyzed, conscious, sucks. Its weed.
This page was inspiring to me. The comments make me want to reform this part of my life.
Thanks.
I just found out last night one of my best friends has been smoking it pretty regularly for a month. I don’t believe him when he tells me it was just once a week when i know he’s at that house they do it at much more often than that.
he just came out of a messed up half-relationship with an equally messed up girl that was no good for him but he thinks this is the only thing that can help take his mind off of “losing” her.
i’ve always been pretty anti-drug. my dad and my brother both smoke just regular cigarettes and THAT bothers me. it’s not healthy, and i’m really worried about my friend. i don’t want him to become seriously addicted.
he says he wants to quit but he told me this after i picked him up from that house. he seemed pretty disoriented so i wonder how much he even remembers from what we talked about. i think he really wants to quit though because of the fact that he told me he smoked in the first place. i am currently the only person that knows, besides those guys he does it with.
i feel overwhelmed and very underinformed about everything involving pot-smoking. what can i do? i don’t even think the kid is 16 yet, he has his whole life ahead of him…
It seems that every thing you say is exactly what I have been thinking for the last couple years. I just smoke and dont get out muc. In high school I was a very active soccer player and social kid. Since ive been in college, all ive done is smoke weed. and sit. and smoke weed. and sit. and not have a girlfriend in 2 years because like you say, im too concerned with a girl or other close friendships getting in the way of my daily smoking routine. This website has already given me inspiration to quit and just feel better all the time. I think the hardest part is going to be staying away from it. Like you said in the article, all my friends are potheads. its gonna be a struggle.
My partner was heavy pot smoker for 30 years. I have only been with him for three years. He was very forgetful – never remembered conversations we had, movies we watched and would constantly lose concentration when we talked. I was a light smoker – but found it more and more difficult to sustain a relationship with someone who looked forward to his first smoke of the day more than anything else. At the verge of almost a break-up he decided to quit. So did I. This was a few months ago. His personality has changed completely. He is far more attentive, less selfish and actually listens when I talk. I am also less prone to depression. It has changed our lives and I would recommend it to anyone.
Pot has left me without one single friend except for the drug dealer I meet up with once a week for 10 minutes to buy a half. I rolled up a fatty and just smoked it, the last of it, cursing it to hell as I threw the fucking thing in the dirt and stamped on it. I have been smoking since 1997 and started smoking everyday around 98-99. I became a complete ghost, the only people that knew me in my school were dealers or other drug users few and far between i came from a 2000 person high school. I went to the hospital in 2002. Im 25 qnd thank god im akmost finishing community college. I cant hold a job, Im totally broke, i live with my parents, I cant get chicks because im constantly stoned and paranoid to the fact that they just want to blow me off, so i do something fucked up to their shit. Or tell them im going to knife them or aqnyone they know who fucks with me. I am paranoid and delusional. The biggest mistake in my life was not quitting when I had my first major panic attack as a sophomore in hs in 98 when I told myself I have to stop, this is a vicious, endless cycle. Although weed would destry my chances of having fun with chicks, socializing, getting laid, i was so depressed all i could do was hit the bong. Weed cheated the fuck out of me and turned me into a total nobody. But it can change if I cut this fucking evil piece of shit from outside my life. IDK about that though i stopped smoking in 05 for about 6 months (record) and became a lonely alcoholic instead.
This is a great article. I have a friend, well ex boyfriend whom I’m currently trying to fix things with, that won’t stop smoking weed. He has been addicted to it for about four years now, and it’s one of the reasons our relationship failed. He’s so addicted that he can’t go anywhere or do anything or wake up or go to bed without smoking a couple bongs first. I can’t convince him it’s a horrible addiction. I don’t know what to do anymore.. maybe you might have some advice for me?
Thanks
I’ve been smoking for 2 years now, and regularly/multiple times daily for a year. I do not regret my habit, nor think that I would ever decide that I would never smoke again. There may come times in my life, where I must go without- for example, the past two months or so, with the exception of once or twice on invitation of others, I’ve not smoked at all… a sharp contrast from 5 times a day. Though I still want to smoke a lot, I am otherwise quite capable of managing my life.
One might accuse me of being unmotivated… for it’s true, I often desire nothing more than to drop out of the social fast-lane of tuition, career, and material possession. I even sometimes consider carrying my use further through activism or learning to blow glass pipes. But I don’t consider this to be necessarily negative… smoking Ganja first helped me come to the belief that the post-industrial social status quo is more at fault than smoking cannabis itself (which humans have been doing since prehistory). The repercussions of criminalizing a victim-less personal choice destroy far more lives than simple use ever does.
Human beings were not meant to spend their whole lives sitting in cubicles behind computer monitors working for wage-labor; Putting myself years into debt to afford completing a college degree simply so I have a credential to get me employment in such an establishment, so that I might earn the money I don’t desire, but require to pay off said debt seems all rather inane to me. And yet, that is the path I am currently on, simply because it is the ’socially acceptable’ thing to do.
Before I started smoking, I was constantly anxious, hyper, stressed, and had a low self-esteem. Smoking marijuana, along with meditation, t’ai chi, and other such activities helps me relax and simply enjoy the moment while not fretting about what is to come. Smoking Ganja helps me realize that life is what we make it, and as such, this moment is really as good as it will ever get, if we let go and let it be.
Any substance has the potential for repercussion AS WELL as benefit (the former: most anti-drug pundits herald; the latter: nearly all seem to ignore). The key seems to be knowing one’s limits… but committing oneself to a cold-turkey life, or even worse, resorting to more acceptable, harmful substances like alcohol doesn’t seem to be the right answer… for me, at least. I was wondering if anyone has any thoughts on this. Peace to you all.
weel when i started i usto feel good and happy
then after 1 year of smoking weed if feel down depressed and lonly i usto go smoke to it could kill time but before i smoked weed i usto be happy and fun but now cause of weed i have problems whit my parents they even kik me out the house!!!!!!!!!!
at myself 4 what i done and what i lost specialy my hyan aka lady 
marijuana was good for 2 weeks but later it will depress you and leave you in the streats now i get mad and angry
I am also a gf of an addict. He has been smoking for about 12 years now. I am NOT against weed i am just so scared it will ruin our relationship. 99% of the fights we have are about weed. Its the lying i cant stand. He told me he wanted to cut back so we made a deal that fri, sat and sundays he can get high. But when i wake up at 3am on a tuesday and find him gone – outside with his bong, it makes me so upset. He will say he is sorry and that he wont again until the weekend. But same thing happens the next night.
I have tried being supportive – smoking with him, even going out to his dealer to buy him weed! I have tried to help him with setting up a plan to cut back, an exercise plan, even his pot smoking friends are talking about quiting too. But after a few days his mood just completly changes and he just has no motivation to do ANYTHING and he gets moody and anxious and talks about how boring life is. I hate seeing him like that..I dont want him to resent me..but i would really like him to cut back or even quit!
hey there… I somoke weed for about 10 years, for 8 years almoast daily,and during the last 2 years, I did it maybe 10 times only cause of my job and cause I started having panik attacks…
I was happy I can keep it this way, smoking it once in a while, and I think that s not harmful in ayway… However, I met my actual wife,I got crazy in love with her… she s totaly anti- drug and she said she doesn t want to live her life with somebody that does any drugs of any kind, even if I do it once a year… So being so crazy about her I promissed that I will not do it again… but after 2 months of marriage I went to visit one friend in chicago and I did it, she found out, and she wanted to split up…
I promissed her again and since then I didn t do it, it s 5 months already, but she sais that the only reason I don t do it is cause I am here ( she s from Mexico, i m from Romania) away from my friends and from any connection to smoking, but she feels that if I will have the chance I will do it again and I will brake her heart…and we ll split…
and she sais the only way I can prove her is if I go with her to a rehab center, to ask for help, to accept my problem…My problem is that yes I know tht marijuana is affecting your life when smoked in excess but I think that as I managed for 2 years to keep it under control I will be able to do it from now on…I cannot be against something that I like, but now I am standing in the situation when basicaly I have to chose betwen my wife, and weed, that even if I can live without doing it, it s very hard for me to say that I will never ever do it again in my life…
Thanks for reading guys and any advice is greatly appreciated!!
Hi
Started smoking when I was 14 but not regularly, think I was about 17 when I started smoking a lot .
Always enjoyed it no real issue’s parents were very laid back and being a highly motivated person I kept in shape
and went to college extra, did well .
Weed did lots of great things for me meet some very interesting people and developed deep friendship’s but now
I want to join the Army and be in the Special force’s its all I have ever wanted to do I have my final test and medical which includes a Drug test in like a month and have been off the weed for 3 weeks already to make 100% sure I don’t fail .
Today while cleaning my room I found a bag of amazing weed …and nearly broke but this web site helped me I know once I smoked it I would feel like a failure, depression would come on quick and I would be sweating it that I might have blown my dream .
Weed is not a bad drug in the past I use them all but Heroin(or crack or angle dust) used E, coke LSD and never had an issue with any of them, I have not used anything stronger then weed in like 3 years .
The thing that makes weed hard is it just grows on you first its jays at parties, then every weekend … then its one night during the week ….then your rolling a joint at night so you have it first thing the next day .
I have put the green down until I reached my dream ….but when I am old (60 + ) and my body’s not good for much any more I will smoke my brain out and drink whiskey every day . Cause then I will really deseve it
Defiantly working out and getting into cooking are good ways of keeping yourself occupied .
Good luck to you all
hey… well i can tell you right now i have experianced what weed can do too a person first hand. i have never smoked weed and i dont plan on doing it ever. but i fell in love with a boy, and he was probably the most amazing person i had ever met in my entire life. he was so smart, so insightful, so kinda and loving and he completed me. and then he died. not physicaly died… but he started smoking pot. he changed. he put pot and his stupid “friends” above me… before we started dating we were the best of friends for four years. i lost not only my boyfriend, my first love, but my best friend. He has gotten so deep into weed that he has failed every single class in the last trimester of school. his parents have caught him plenty of times but he still smokes. he also got into dealing for a while. he now doesnt want to go to college anymore-and the only conversation that i can hold with him is about pot. that is if he even talks too me. he wont even look at me anymore, he wont say hi too me, and at times when i have called him bawling needing him to be there for me… he just ignores me or tells me to chill out. the boy that i fell in love with would hold me and kiss me and comfort me. that boy is gone. and i blame weed for taking him from me. i still love the person he used too be. and ill tell each of you that smokespot-how badly you are hurting the people that matter the most. the people that love and care about you, your breaking their hearts. EVERY day i wake up sick to my stomach thinking bout how he is wasting himself away. because i know that he has it in him, he is capable of so many great things. and he can be a truley life changing and remarkable person. but he makes the chooce not too be that. he makes the choice to waste away his life being high. With his buddies-friends that are based off of weed, and drinking. can i ask you a question? when life gets tough and you realize that you need someone there for you-do you honestly think that your weed buds are going to be there for you? they wont be. they dont care about themselves, or you. the people that would be there are real friends, people that warned you about what you were getting into, people that you threw away for a plant, people that loved you with eeverything they had. and by the time you realize that you need those people. it will probably be too late. so stop right now. dont loose sight of the things that matter most in this life. thats family, friends, and love. dont break someones heart how he broke mine… they dont deserve it.
I’m sick of reading this garbage, Seriously… So this guy can’t control his pot use because he thinks he needs it, wtf this dude left his girlfriend to go smoke, what’d you go tell her then? Oh uh I uh uhhh.. yeah I’m sorry but that sounds like total BS. If your leaving your gf to go smoke then you have metal issues more then you have a pot problem.
This blog is very helpful. Everyone has a different story. If you want to DO something (in this case, quit smoking pot) then keep at it.
3 things:
1. Chill out Xclusive, maybe go smoke a joint?
2. Yo Emptyhead, promising your wife you’ll NEVER EVER smoke again and then it’s like you had an afair with another woman if you DO smoke pot?? OK, that’s a bad situation there. You should tell your wife you smoked and she should get over HER OWN issues instead of coming down hard on you, just ’cause you smoked pot. It’s hard to quit, I smoked (still struggling) for many years, but am lucky that my wife has enough brains to NOT enforce this all or nothing BS. Tell her the next time she has a piece of Chocolate Cake that you are VERY DISAPPOINTED and considering a divorce.
3. Marajuana doen’t keep you from doing things, FEAR and making excuses keeps you from doing things. Smoking pot just makes it easier to not FACE YOURSELF and YOUR DREAMS/FEARS, whatever they may be. I mean, haven’t we all met people who tell you they are SOBER within 5 minutes of meeting them like it’s their life’s work? Give me a break.
Quitting smoking is tough, I wish I could smoke a joint once in a while without the week long BAD MOOD and LIQUID LUNGS and JONESIN’ for more weed, but I can’t. It PISSES ME OFF but I must accept it, I can not smoke no more dope no.
i need to quit too.
the worse part for me is trying to sleep. dreams become super intense again and that’s after i finally fall asleep. the only way to sleep is by working my ass off and being tired as hell. otherwise, i’m awake mind racing unable to sleep until after midnight.
i dont mind not smoking so much…just cant sleeeeeeeeeeep
This is a great website – I have really enjoyed reading all of the honest and heartfelt posts.
I am writing this in hope that some of you out there will be able to help me gain some perspective on how I may best encourage my husband’s to consider that he may be an addict.
Here is some background…
He is 45 years old and has probably been smoking pot for 30 years. His use has varied in the 4 years that we’ve been together, but basically he smokes most every day and sometimes up to 4-5 times per day.
Generally speaking, he is an intelligent and positive individual. Although he lacks professional motivation and is currently unemployed (he can afford to be), he is an active part of our home life (does dishes, laundry, chores, etc) and is also a strong and motivated athlete, skiing or biking or doing something active nearly every day. He is engaged in our relationship and is a conscientious and kind individual. This is why I married him 4 months ago.
And of course, I knew about his pot habit. I am not “anti-drug” and I too smoke pot on occasion, meaning 2-3 times a month in social situations. I believe in moderation and have absolutely no problem managing my usage. I can take it or leave it and do not have an addictive personality.
But what I’m realizing now is that I may actually be a part of my husband’s addition – an enabler of sorts. I think that I have been in denial about the extent of of my husband’s need for this drug. I believed him when he told me that he could quit at any time, that he wasn’t addicted and that he could easily go without. And so, I really just turned a blind eye bringing it up occasionally, asking him to smoke less, but never really making it a make or break issue.
But lately he’s been smoking more – sometimes as much as 4-5 times a day and it has been raising some red flags for me. My concern for his health has become a much more prominent consideration now that we’ve joined our lives – I don’t want to be married to someone who isn’t taking care of himself. To add to it, we’ve been considering children and I want to make sure that he isn’t going to destroy his lungs and leave me as a widow to raise our child.
Lately, I have also begun to notice some changes in his mental status. He seems easily frustrated and on edge, he has been showing signs of depression and has been increasingly unmotivated. I can’t help but wonder if smoking more is contributing to these attitudes.
And so, I felt like I had to address the issue of his pot smoking with him and have done so several times now. I’ve really tried to be productive in my approach, not nagging or creating ultimatums but simply illustrating the ways in which his habit may be affecting our lives and suggesting how he may be able to smoke less frequently.
In my mind, he doesn’t have to quit (though I realize that the true addict cannot engage with his or her drug casually), I just want him to slow it down a little. But much to my dismay, my efforts have been fought with so many classic “addict-like responses” that now I can’t help but be convinced that he really is suffering from an addiction. He says things like, “I ride my bike everyday so what, is that an addiction you want me to stop?” That’s addiction-speak if I ever heard it! But at the same time, he really has been trying to address my concerns and has agreed to start going to counseling and to take a 7 week break when we go on a trip abroad next month. These are big steps, I know.
But here’s the part that’s really scary to me: To my husband, pot symbolizes freedom, rebellion against authority and his control over his body and life. Anyone who asks him not to smoke, he sees as a controlling authority figure who is ruining his freedom of expression. He truly loves to smoke pot – loves everything about it and really has no desire to quit even though he rationally understands that it may be affecting his physical and mental health. There have been times in the past when he smoked even more frequently than he smokes now. He has even ended relationships because girlfriends gave him quit ultimatums.
I am afraid that I have already become the authority figure from whom he as to hide from and lie to. I am afraid that I will also become the evil individual who is trying to take his most beloved ritual away from him. I don’t want to be this person, I just want to be his wife.
Any thoughts on how to handle this delicate situation without becoming the villain?
I’ve been smoking weed for four years now, since I was 30. I started right after my divorce when I was going through a rough time and felt like partying.
Weed was my first experience with a “real” drug other than alcohol. At first it was very disorienting but a friend explained to me how you can control your high somewhat by focusing mentally. And wow, he was right. You can’t do that while “on” alcohol.
I have used other drugs since then, but weed is the one I use most consistently and think most worth discussing. One thing I have learned is that weed **affects everyone differently** !! Scientific studies show this is true – that’s why the medical study results on cannabis users are so incongruent – because different people have different reactions to THC and there’s not a lot of consistency.
Which means, what is right for ONE person may not be right for YOU. Quitting may be good for you, but not for a chronic pain patient who uses weed just to get through the day. But, as with any addiction, we can ALL make plenty of excuses to justify our own habit, right? Right. So we have to be careful how we THINK about our drug use.
As with any habit, it can be a GOOD habit, or a BAD habit. It is up to us (and listening to advice from friends, family, doctors, etc.) to determine whether such a habit is “good” or “bad” for us. Don’t completely shut down someone for questioning you about your drug use – it’s a sign that they care for you. If you can’t honestly answer their questions within yourself, you likely DO have a problem.
QUESTIONS to ASK YOURSELF:
1. Does weed keep me from “being all I can be” as a person? Can I think of specific examples where smoking weed has prevented me from doing something I wanted to do or had another negative impact on my plans?
2. Has my use of weed negatively impacted any relationships that I care about? If I could go back in time, would I do anything differently relating to my weed use and my relationship with that person?
3. Has weed affected my quality of living? Have I used money to buy weed that I really should have spent on other things, like paying bills or paying a friend back money owed?
4. If I had kids, or if I do have kids, would I want them smoking weed before they were 21? If NOT, what reasons would I give them why smoking weed too young might not be a good idea? If I told them it’s okay for “adults” to smoke weed “sometimes”, how would I explain what using weed “responsibily” would look like compared to using weed “irresponsibly?”
Those are just a few thoughts I bring up to myself regarding my own drug use, and I try to keep evaluating myself without being too easy on myself. It’s easy to make excuses and justifications to other people, but only YOU know the deep-down truth about whether weed is “good for you” or not.
For most of us, I think the answer lies somewhere in between. It’s easy to “abuse” weed in the sense that it does not lend itself to outrageous abuses demonstrated in the public eye, like that of an alcoholic beating his family.
However, the real effects of weed in your own life may be as detrimental but more insidious and difficult to see clearly through the haze of smoke. It takes WILLPOWER, FOCUS, and being TOUGH WITH YOURSELF to really examine the impact of any habit in your own life and make changes accordingly. I think all of us, including me, should do the “REALITY CHECK” with ourselves early and often.
Personally, I’ve made a couple of changes relating to weed in my life and I’m sure there will be more:
1) Weed Friends?
As some people pointed out above, most of our “weed buddies” will probably not be there for us if we really need them, unlike the people asking us to QUIT weed. Think about it. Maybe we need to get and KEEP better quality friends in our lives, and reduce the number of “weed buddies” we have? I’m making a concerted effort to focus on non-pothead friends who bring more value, wisdom, and positive energy into my life, not just a few laughs and a shared case of the munchies.
2) Social vs. Solitary Smoking?
I find myself often smoking with other people just as a social function. And when I’m smoking by myself, it’s usually not as “happy” expereince as I’d like to be. So if I’m not truly wanting or enjoying the smoking in both of those circumstances, maybe I’m just smoking TOO MUCH?? So I’m smoking less by myself, and less with other people, which adds up to SMOKING LESS.
3) Vaporizer:
I don’t smoke cigs, but my lungs were starting to hurt and I was coughing a fair bit of phlegm, which was nasty and normally I’m very healthy so this was unsettling. I cut back on the joints/blunts/pipes/bongs and got a Volcano Vaporizer.
Now I will tell you, YES, a $500 Vaporizer will get you extremely high off much less weed than you normally smoke. But is that a good thing?
I say NO. As Americans, we tend to have the idea that “more is better, bigger is better” – like McDonald’s. Just cuz you can’t overdose on bong hits or vaporizer hits doesn’t mean it is GOOD for you.
In fact, I’ve found that it’s so easy to get EXTREMELY high off just a little top-notch Seattle weed in the vaporizer, I end up sitting around with my thumb up my ass wondering how I got so high!!! Is this good? NO!!! If someone comes up to you and says “Hey my stomach hurts,” you say, “Why?” and they say “Well because I keep eating too much.” What are you going to tell them? “STOP EATING SO MUCH!” Okay so, if you find yourself too high, too often, STOP SMOKING SO MUCH!!! That’s what I’m doing.
A few other things I’m doing to cut down on my weed use:
1) Stow the weed outside so I have to go get it if I want some – makes it not as easy to just sit there and load a bowl etc. – fat people do the same thing with their cookies
2) Stow the smoking implements somewhere else as well (same idea as above, make yourself decide and work for it to be sure you really WANT to do it and are making a conscious decision to do it, not just lighting up cuz it’s sitting on your coffee table and you’re bored.)
3) Buy less, but better quality weed.
Instead of smoking during the week, buy better stuff and save it for the weekends!
4) Get a CHALLENGING job and don’t smoke during the week!
When I’m not working, I smoke too often and am less motiviated. When I’m working at a challenging job that I know I have to be on the ball for, I rarely smoke during the week and look forwards to weekend fun including (but not limited to) smoking. If your job isn’t challenging you, why are you still there??? You can do better and you KNOW you can!
5) Talk over your weed use with your significant other and be honest about.
Be a MAN (or woman) and fess up to your partner about your feelings about weed. 9 times out of 10 they will appreciate your honesty and the initiative that you have been thinking about your own weed use and are looking to change some of habits. DON’T make promises you aren’t willing to keep, and remember that the person is trying to help you so try to see each other’s point of view.
My ex-wife used to think i was on steroids (i had protein supplements!) and it was impossible to have a discussion with her b/c she wasn’t being reasonable. But if you and your partner can keep the discussion in perspective I think it can be mutually beneficial. You don’t have to agree. My girlfriend doesn’t like the fact that I use weed, even though she knows I use it mostly for my back pain. BUT, here’s the catch, i have to be HONEST with myself and her and admit that okay, there are plenty of times that i’m NOT using it for pain and just to get high or party, and maybe I need to cut back on that kind of use?
You see, it’s a two-way street with these kind of discussions.
The bottom line is, Real Life and our Relationships are more important than any substance that gives us a momentary reprieve from the pain, pressures, and anxieties of life. Keep your substance use in check by being honest with yourself and the people who care about you.
I hope this helps some of you – and I wish you plenty of sober 4:20s, productivity, new learning, new achievements, and happier relationships.
Oh man does this hit home. I’m 25 and a college grad…but it took me 6 years to get a degree. And I know for a fact that it was partially due to me smoking weed the majority of college. One reason for me quitting was a desire to do better with my life. I never though about life after college until I quit smoking that hellish plant.
Relationships were another issue. Not ONE successful healthy relationship until now. 4 of my past boyfriends were stoners. I never was very discerning about who I was dating, because I was high all the time and “free spirited”. And if a guy had access to the fire, it was a done deal. I finally had to ask myself in the last weed-induced relationship what I really saw in my significant other. Because I could get along with anybody when I was high.
I also look back at my college days at a time when I found myself with no friends. I abandoned all my academically driven friends for my growing circle of potheads. No “good times” to look back on.
I’m very greatful for the opportunity to quit. Some people can casually smoke but I have accepted that I am not one of them. The biggest reason for this is the fact that I am a depressed person. I now believe, however, that depression can be a healthy thing. It’s the frustration with my life that has urged me on to better things. When I was stoned I was soooo afraid of hard work and having responsibilities. Now I think I am ready for them, and I welcome them. I just want to be who I was meant to be.
This is really great to be hearing from so many people that are down with quitting. I smoked for 12 years non stop, and basically killed my social life. I dont have to tell you what it was doing to me, cuz we all know. i devoloped Depersonalization Disorder 6 months ago. Basically I feel high 24/7 even when not smoking. like im constently in a dream state, out of body, dizzy. i tried to smoke more to cover up the feeling of the DD, but that only made it worse to the point where i thought i might be loosing my mind. High grade marijuana is a common factor in DD, and ive been smoking nothing but for half my life. If youre reading this and thinking about quiting, research depersonalization disorder and read all the horror stories about how much it sucks/effects your life. not saying it would/could/will happen to any of you, but it did to me. I loved my pot, and it mostly was my best friend (stupid right?) but i hate that i couldnt control my use and it got the better of me. its too late to go back now, Im just left to deal with my perma-fried state. its been two months since ive touched dope, but i havnt noticed a change yet. maybe another two months and ill feel alright. One thing i know is, im not smoking again and thats ok with me. I miss MJ, but my time with her is done.
good luck all!
~Wrecked~
I have read all of these stories and feel completely overwhelmed. My boyfriend has been a pot smoker for 8 years now. We met through a mutual friend and, I feel, have a great time together. Last night, after he got high, he started to freak out on me. Thinking that he wasn’t into me, I started asking questions, trying to relieve my own anxiety. People had warned me before dating him that I might run into alot of trouble, but I have to say, despite the drug use, he is the best person I’ve ever dated. Compassionate, understanding, supportive, and everything i’ve ever wanted. Before this, I’d never dated anyone who smoked. But now, reading these blogs, I can honestly say I feel hopeless. My younger brother is an avid pot smoker, and I see the same withdrawn person in him. Im returning to nursing school in a month, and I just can’t deal with this additional stress. I know if confronted with the issue, he will deny it but I feel like his recent bout of anxiety related to us has EVERYTHING to do with the weed. I told him I would never change him, and I feel like it’s time that I face facts. People who abuse any type of drug tend to live for themselves, and I am the complete opposite of that. I never wanted to be in a selfish relationship again, but I’ve found myself feeling like if its me or the weed, he will choose the weed. Hes already told me he has had several failed relationships due to the fact. So I guess my point is, its extremely frustrating and sad to see the people you love waste their potential, and its even harder to let go of them for fear of them hurting you. I wish you all the best and I hope and pray that you find whatever cures your addictions. And to those that are afraid to lose a loved one; sometimes you can’t fix others and you have to step up and be selfish for fearing of parishing. I know I dont want to feel unloved like this right now.
i just want to tell everyone who wants to quit to stay with it and it will get allot better as the time goes by. i started smoked at 18 and now i am 28 years old and smoked all day everyday. I am 13 days sober and feel great, i still itch a little bit when it comes to recording my music cuz i always did it high but i feel so much better and intend to never smoke again. at the time of quiting i was spending 20-25 dollars a day on it which is adding to between 500-600 a month which makes me sick. Im fortunate that i own my own business and do very good for myself but regardless that is just a waste of money and it was affecting my pockets becuase im trying to buy a new truck and house with my wife. I dont know what to say, just stay with it because pot dosent do shit except hinder your true genuine character and people look at you like a dumb person with your eyes all red, poor posture and stoner talk which never comes out intelligent. i also suffer from hardcore depression and thats why i was smoking so much but i just started some anti-depressants (celexa) and its helping me plus its legal and more healty instead of unregulated self medication of smelly leaves that made my whole life a frigen complete mess. i felt like a complete junkie, and to whoever says weed is not addictive they can kiss my ass, if you do some investigating a doctor did a study on heavy everyday smokers and when the withdrawals started they rated it a 6.7 and cocaine withdrawal was close at a 7.6…….the scale was composed from 1-10 by this certain clinic that studies addiction so its not as bad as herion but not far from coke….i never tried coke so i have no idea how hard it is…..good luck everyone, stay strong….before u take that next hit….look at your mothers face or your spouse or whatever and ask for help first….its worth it….get ya frigen life back and stop procrastinating …START TODAY, throw ya weed out and smash ya pipes….dont be a slave BE STRONG!!!!ITS NOT COOL NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT IS GLORIFIED ON TV< MOVIES AND MUSIC!!!!!its just a bunch of bullshit
I really appreciate the honesty and sensitivity of the comments of you all. I have a big dilemma. I have been with a beautiful man for almost 7 years, but he is a pot smoker, morning, night, every day. He holds down a job, and does it very well, but there is so much you have all written here that I can relate to. I do not smoke – I used to enjoy a puff, but living with an addict really turns you off the stuff. He too has lied about how much he smokes – I only recently discovered he was still smoking in the morning before work. He spends a lot of time sitting in front of the TV after work, or on video games, and I wonder if that’s part of the dope, and how it sucks energy from him. It’s all getting a little too much for me, I want more from life, more from my man, and I’m now toying with the thought of leaving. I don’t want to, but when he is adamant that he will not change, that he likes the dope, that he still holds down a job, etc etc, you know the spiel, what am I to do? In the past, he has tried to curtail the habit, but now seems to have completely given up and resents me questioning his addiction. I do not want to live like this – it seems to me that the only choice I have is to leave. Any thoughts?
it really does make you selfish.
my best friend of six years stopped calling me back.
This site is perfect. I Have been a marijuana addict for the last 5 years of my life. I checked myself into treatment about 3 months ago and stayed sober for about two months. My life was completely turning around: I was making money, I was chipping away at the financial damage I had caused through my usage, and I was confident as hell again. Like a lot of people on here, before I started smoking pot, I was confident,good with the ladies, and quick-witted. After about a year of smoking pot I began to isolate myself,feared the ladies more than death itself, and stopped talking to a lot of my real friends. I recently relapsed a few times and feel like I have wasted everything I have worked hard for. But, now that I realise that I am not the only one who has struggled, I am hungry again. Reading this site has made my horrible day much better. Almost made it a full 24hours, and there’s no turning back this time. Peace
Your story is very familiar. I am not a weed smoker but my boyfriend, and the father of my 2month old is. He can’t sleep without being high and he doesn’t smoke it much around me anymore since our daughter was born, but now when hes around I get the blunt of his moodswings cause i’m the only one he can’t be high around. Our relationship is okay but i know if he could let go of the drugs we would be alot better. i have tried many times to get him to see what its doing to us and our family but he just doesn’t see it the way i do. i guess what i am asking you is if there is anything someone could of said to you to help you quit and stay quit. i tried approaching him nicely and understanding, i tried to get him to choose between drugs and his family, i tried to encouage it the best way i can. he knows i’m here to support and talk with him whenever he needs it. if you could give me some advice on how to help him i would forever greatful. thank you!
There is this guy who I recently just started hanging around with. He is so sweet, and accepting, and fun to be around. The only problem is that he smokes pot everyday. We talked about it the other night and he said he wants to quit, he doesn’t want to be a stoner forever, but his life right now is in shambles and this is why he uses. I smoke occasionally at parties, and I don’t judge him for what he does, but I don’t think I can invest time or energy into a relationship with someone who might not be fully there mentally. I was trying to make up excuses for him but after reading this blog I don’t think I can even attempt to make this work with him. I hear stories about guys who smoke, then they meet a girl who changes them, but I think they might just change for a little while and then go back to smoking. I want to spend my life with someone who is totally there, who wants to be with me more than weed, and I’m really sad to say that beginning a relationship with someone who appears to be an addict is probably poor judgement. Thanks to everyone who wrote on here, it has helped me make a very tough decision. Good luck to everyone.
hi everyone
i read all these amazing stories and what is most appealing to me is that nobody is enouraging weed.. not even those who still smoke..
I fell inlove with a wonderful boy who smokes weed. Tonight i am sitting here broken hearted becuz of what his smoking habits did to us. We can never work becuz he chooses spliff over me. I think to myself why i met this boy becuz u cannot help someone who doesnt want to be helped. I will never touch drugs.. i have smoked weed say 5 or 6 times in the past over a period of three years. and even though i had this craving for it tonight becuz i wanted to numb the pain i decided to rather look for inspiration on the web.
I am glad i did… thanx for all yous inspiration.
Wow. Just wow.
I don’t even know what to say. Almost every story I heard is exactly the same as mine. I’m done with this trash….
I want to encourage all of you to continue with the struggle of understanding your addiction to weed and keep working at getting it out of your life…everyday. One day you will succeed. My story…I am 52 years old. I started smoking pot in highschool to escape feelings of inadaquacy, low self-esteem, dysfunctional family of origin, etc. Basically all the wrong reasons that seemed right at the time. I barely graduated highschool. My younger brother who was an adolescent used to get high with me and my b/f. Think of that! Getting a 12 year old stoned. I am so ashamed. I have a son who is 15 years old and I shudder when I think my brother was younger than him and I did that. After highschool I did nothing with my life except make sure I had my daily pot. Yes, I had to maintain a daily high throughout the day to be able to function. I suffered from anxiety attacks in public, I couldn’t string two sentences together that made sense, I was fearful of new people and situations and could only relate to other potheads that “understood me”. Long story short. I finally got sick of the same ol, same ol and joined the Airforce when I was 25. Scared to death of how I was going to react to being potless for the first time in 10 years, guess what? It was so easy. The thrill of being in new places, meeting new people, having for the first time something constructive and positive happening in my life was awesome. I never even missed it or I was more afraid of being busted and dishonorably discharged, one. I don’t know. Life has gone on for me but not for my brother. He and his best friend Steve continued to smoke weed daily for the last 27 years. Neither one of them are employed or can hold down a job for more than a month. My brother lives with my mother because he can’t support himself and has all kinds of excuses why. His friend Steve is a caretaker of somebody else’s land and broken down farmhouse in exchange for rent. He has a live in girlfriend, with her 2 kids by 2 different guys, AND they have a 2 year old together. She works and brings home the money. Steve smokes everyday and justifies not working because he is a Mr. Mom. Bull! He drives a 20 year old truck with 300,000 miles on it. He has 0 motivation, 0 goals, and 0 to show for his life and all these years that have gone by. My brother on the other hand doesn’t even have a vehicle. He doesn’t have 2 red cents to rub together. He lives off of our mother and pretends he is taking care of her. I recently visited them and Steve was amazed at how much I have changed from 30 years ago. HUH? You see people, pot keeps you where you are at, you never grow up, you never CHANGE. It is really sad to see these 2. They call each other everyday 4-5 times and talk. What a life! It is difficult for me to have a conversation with my brother because he tends to ramble, repeat things he’s already said and not pay attention to what I am saying. I’m in my Sr. year of nursing school and know he has cognitive deficits, big-time. I feel really sad for him and know that this is what his life is going to be from here on out and he will probably never get it together. Sometimes I do miss the buzz, I will be honest. In some of my loneliest, most desperate moments, MJ was my best friend. But I will never trade the life I have now for her. And if I ever do find love again I want a motivated man, who is able and wants to be fully engaged in a healthy relationship and not be addicted to pot or alcohol or cigs. Until then I keep myself focused and except my life for how it is today. MJ caused me to waste alot of myself, my time, my opportunities that I let slide by. Stay healthy you guys! I love you all and there is life after MJ. Life IS good!
I can relate… to this article: friends I had thru pot, are now gone. I literally have NO friends, anymore because I quit. I never really tried to make friends either because of being stoned, and paranoid, it hindered me from being who I really am. I could’ve had girlfriends, but weed was more important, so I never really had any type of relationships. besides I was stoned literally every minute of every day, so I couldn’t really go anywhere. except to go buy more weed! So now I’m here reading some of the comments and man, I thought It was just me, all my fault… But in reality, there’s a lot of people out there suffering from the same crap I went through!
Let me tell you what pot addiction can do for a person and a family. Right now I am trying to figure out or make sense out of a decision by my daughter’s fiance for calling off their wedding eight weeks before the big day. On the one hand, I am grateful that he bailed before saying I-do instead of after. Right now my daughter, husband and myself feel completely betrayed. None of us saw this coming. Our interpretation is he just woke up one morning and no longer wanted to get married. The only explanation he can give our daughter is “I am feeling overwhelmed by everything.”
This is a couple that has dated for three years and been engaged for nine months. There was never any pressure to propose. In fact, our daughter said she would have been perfectly happy had they still just been dating. There were no financial issues. They got along beautifully and we all thought they were two peas in a pod. To say the least, we are completely shocked and just trying to figure out how any of us will ever trust him or another guy.
As a result of all of this, we now know that he has been smoking pot since he was 17 (now 26). He smoked almost every day and several times a day. He would go home on his lunch break and smoke pot. Our daughter never starting to smoke pot until she met him (age 22), didn’t like it much and is sorry she every got caught up in it. She was trying to get him to change his ways and thought that “love” could conquer all. I believe deep down this is what he wanted but he could not give up his “Mary Janes.” So, he chose the pot and bailed.
I want to say thank you to everyone who shared their story here. I have one of my own. I was dating the most wonderful and amazing guy for almost five years…LOVED HIM….still love him. Talked about kids and marriage and we were just very very happy.
January of this year came around and he got really sad at times. He was so excited for school and everything, get his life togather. he was sad but i figured it was because of the economy, lack of jobs etc. Thought okay…I can deal…Last month he got really really depressed….tried to help him out, did the classifieds and got him more and more interested in school and all but he was still somewaht sad. He had some minor run-ins with the law and one that I think just set him off but it wasnt even his fault. All the sudden our relationship came crashing down. Mind you, I am not a smoker…cant be, never was, wont be…anyway…
Called him one day cuz he would go a few days without talking and he said i just cant talk to you…asked him what did you do….why cant you talk me???? Finally i called his house and he really really upset…told me “what i have done…i cant tell you over the phone…i cant even talk to you or see you…..” So i got a dear john email. yeah yeah…i know what you all are thinking….five years and an email??? He had been smoking alot..hiding it but not sure why its such a huge part of his lifestyle…cheated….ect. So i called him and asked him okay been togather five years and he claims they are the best five years of his life…we can work this out..no biggie…well biggie but well deal. He is beyond upset at what he has done, says “he will regret this the rest of his life, i mean everything to him, kept telling me he loves me loves me loves me….please forgive me, your my angel and i am never going to meet anyone life you.” He said i cant change myself to make you happy but he was so afraid to dissapoint me. Said okay…we can deal. Then “he told me that i could get over him in the next few months” and i told him not to say things like that…..he hung up the phone mid conversation i am assuming cuz he couldnt handle things anymore and has not talked to me since…. I did receive a text saying that he was seeing someone else (from what i gather does drugs too cuz thats his group) and to take his things here and there and what have you. (i know these people never liked me because i wouldnt do drugs with them. had better things to do, like getting my life going.) So i said okay…well were done…sucks but thats not the end of my story….
His run-ins with the law caused him to not be able to drive for a while till everything was straightened out. So his truck went to his brothers for a while. His family is very close, I am even considered part of the family. but anyway to my understanding he came to his brothers house, demanded his truck, brother said no cuz you have not fixed your stuff. They got into it so bad that his brother doesnt want to see him for a while and he told his mom to eff off. No one has heard from him in a month….and he is burning bridges left and right from the people who truly care.
Everyone says weeds not bad….well its not…if you can control it and function. But drugs just ruined my life and i dont even do them. I lost my best friend…to a group of people who are only around for one reason.
Again thank you for making me feel like i am not alone.
All that I’ve read here is very interesting and so much of it rings true.
I’ve never smoked, though I do enjoy the occasional drink socially, but my boyfriend smokes nearly everyday and has for many years. He’s 62 and I’m 53.
I don’t enjoy being around him much when he is either stoned or in the aftermath of it. He’s always amazed how I can tell when he comes over after smoking, but to me he is almost another person when he’s stoned. He is an “unreal” sort of giggly at these times and it’s impossible to have any conversation with him because he interrupts me and never seems to hear any thing I say. I feel as if I may as well be alone when he’s like this. I think you have to be stoned yourself to enjoy being around a stoned person, much as how no one likes to be around someone who is drunk when they are not drunk. As the high wears off, he becomes more and more negative, overly serious and morose, even sullen. He always acts as if any discord we have at these times is my fault.
When he’s straight I really enjoy being with him and I do love him. All of his friends smoke. I’ve never asked him to give it up entirely, though I do not think it’s a good thing for him, but I do ask him to not visit me when he’s high. Usually he complies but when he doesn’t, I’m struck by how much more difficult it is to have a relationship with him when pot is in the picture.
Last night he arrived high and was not pleased at all when I noticed his state. Later the usual “negative-mood after effects” kicked in and he left this morning with neither of us very happy.
I think I need to be more firm about not spending time with him when he is stoned, but I don’t like the way this would make me into some kind of “pot police” and authority figure. I thought it would be OK as long as he limited his smoking to those times when he’s not around me. He lives 3 hours away and usually we spend every other weekend together.
I would really love it, for him and for me, if he would not smoke at all. But I appreciate how difficult that would be for him since his entire social life, except for me, is built around smoking pot. He’s told me that he’s glad I don’t smoke because he really does not want to encourage himself to smoke more.
If any of you have been in a similar situation, I’d love to hear your wisdom.
Dave?……Is that you?…….Dave?
yo nice, i feel the same way. but im gonna keep smokin cause i can handle it.
These comments are great. I’ve struggled a long time with my feellings on this drug. I’ve had a brother, a serious boyfriend and recently a guy I really like all affected by it and most recently, my feelings about it because of past experiences with relationships, men and their primary relationship with pot.
I find that pot users can be so in denial about their addiction and their behavior that it clouds the issue so greatly…and any try at reasoning with them ends with you being rejected, and you being the one with the problem. You just are not smart enough to “get” it, you are just as bad because you drink on the weekends and atleast the guy isn’t Od’ing and beating his wife (as if not doing those things makes you a great guy!), etc etc etc.
It seems there are so little studies done on how it affects relationships too….that all the pot smokers do is cite how functional they are, that there is no “proof” that its hurting anyone or hurting them, its just harmless.
But when I can read so many women and men have gone through what I have….being close to someone whose primary relationship is with pot….I know I am not crazy and I know I am justified in freaking out a little when I found out the guy I was dating (yes, I was dumped over my freaking out of his pot addiction) was a daily smoker. Yes, I have known highly intelligent and functional successful people who smoke pot. But how are there relationships? I find if you dig a little deeper almost always not so good. I smoke pot occasionally myself if it is offered to me, I never seek it out. I hate this all or nothing thing….I don’t hate pot.
I hate the people these people become when its their primary focus. They don’t realize how selfish and emotionally unavailable they are. This is why women don’t like it…its not because its illegal, or we are stupid and we are sheep. It’s because its a glaring red flag that you will be a selfish jerk that is unaware of his own coldness, who forgets the things I say that are important…who thinks I’m a nag or annoying when just dealing with the realities of life. Who thinks I’m a drag because I have normal, human, feelings with ups and downs in my day and my moods.
I can deal with life. I don’t always like it and have no problem with people who partake less than daily, Im even okay with every other day. I just don’t understand. I wanted to and I tried but once again was dumped as soon as the pot smoker realized I might have a point about his addictions. He didn’t even want to give me a chance to reject him later on. He must know something I already didn’t.
I’m so tired of the worn out…its better than drinking thing too. Very few people have the physical ability to drink every day.
I drink maybe 2 times a week. Maybe one time a week to excess (meaning, I should not drive and might forget a thing or two toward the end of the night while in social company of people I trust). I have the rest of the week to live real life…there is nothing wrong with escaping and taking a break or checking out a couple of times a week or month.
I don’t understand the rationale for needing to do this daily, all the while creating a barrier between yourself and people that love you. And then blaming on them for not being accepting…or whatever.
Anyway thanks for this blog and messages, it helps to see I’m not alone. I fell for a guy, the kind I swore I would never get involved with again. I did, though not for long because we broke up over this. Ultimatley he dumped me before I could really have too much of a problem with the druge use. Which makes me even sadder. I hate to think I have to chalk this up to the 3rd man I’ve lost because of his primary relationship with pot.
I could call it a lot of other things…but that is what it is. And I have to wonder who he will find next…who she will be that will just support anything and everything he does.
Everyone wants to be accepted in life. But being in a relationship that is created only to allow you to be exactly as you are and never grow is not a real relationship…its codependence.
The person who wrotte this is very knowledgeable and knows exactly what is talking about. I’m 23 years old and I’ve been smoking since I was 15, ever day, specially for the last few years. Marihuana has taken control of my life and sadly it has become the most important thing in it. I’ve wanting to quit but i just haven’t been able to, marihuana is very addictive, specially if you smoke a lot and if you smoke high grade marihuana. The thing that I desire the most right now is to be able to move on with my life and forget about weed. weed can be like the devil, or worst. I wanna congratulate the guy who took the time and effort to writte this, I sure enkoyed reading it and dont forget MARIHUANA IS ADDICTIVE!!!!!!!!!!1
I’m so grateful for all the posts. I’m alone, have found my partner smoking pot after 10 years – as far as I know- abstinence. I wondered about him changing recently, put it down to recovery from stroke and pulmonary embollism.
No way, he’s smoking again.
He says it’s making him insightful, he can write better, feels great.
He looks dirty and unkempt, lives in filth in a MH halfway house. When I picked him up 2 days ago, they’d slipped so far downhill, the lounge was covered in roaches. Nobody bothers with an ashtray any more.
He wants to stay ‘friends’ he’s been lying by ommission for months, ie he never told me he was smoking.
I say I can’t be a friend to him and watch him risking his health – physical and mental- he’s in recovery from a mental illness. He said ‘be compassionate try and understand how I must smoke to keep going’I replied that I feel it is compasionate to say No, I can’t be around you when you are using. he gets paranoid. I’m very sad, and having panic attacks. I’ve already nearly lost him to so many things, this is just too hard.
I’ve read the whole article, and shockingly, 96% of the effects/social/life are happening to me. I am going to quit smoking marijuana, I just really know I will, I haven’t smoked for about 5 days now, and maybe its the THC going crazy on me because I’m having the same issues as the cigarette-quitters would have after quitting smoking for just a freaking week. I want to smoke weed right now, and I probably will, but I promised to myself would get back to this article when I do.