Posted by admin on November 28, 2007
Today was a pretty good day. I ended up having a puff, which is not good, but I have identified the pattern that leads to these relapses and will close off that opportunity. I have some friends coming in to town this weekend, so I will be busy with them and be able to get a couple of days under my belt.
Next week, I am not allowed to go and hang out at the local pub. I may extend this all the way through to Christmas. Each time I have messed up, it has been from meeting up with folks there. This is clearly an old habit and way of thinking that I need to change.
I did, however, sleep like a baby last night. In my first week, I went from smoking about 25 times to only 3. This is progress. Progress is all I am looking for, perfection comes later.
Days Sober 0
Posted by admin on November 27, 2007
This is Part #3 of a 4 part series on my reason to quit smoking weed.
As seen in Part 1, and Part 2 I believe that it is a great idea to create an inventory of all of the reasons that I want to quit smoking weed. This servers 2 purposes: To clarify the negative effects of marijuana addiction in my life, and to use as a reference guide when I crave smoking pot, and think about relapsing.
The Negative Effects of Marijuana on my Relationships:
Friendships: Most of the people I associate are stoners, or smoke pot sometimes. Because so much of my life is lived whilst stoned, it is easiest to associate with people that enable me to get high. I also turn down or spoil friendships because I don’t call people back or check my messages on a regular basis. Being stoned is a comfort bubble, as long as you exist within that bubble, the rest of the world can wait. Marijuana is the common theme of most of my friendships, very few get deeper than that.
Commitments: Because weed effects my short term memory so much, I am often late or forget about commitments that I should honor. I also do not like to commit to any regular or scheduled activity, because it may interfere with my ability to smoke pot and get high.
Girlfriends: I went through a period of hiding the fact that I smoked weed from my girlfriends. It always backfired. Every relationship I have had or attempted has been negatively affected by my smoking. For example, multiple times I have left a date early to go smoke pot alone, or have my mind on getting high rather than paying attention to the person I am with. I can also be very quiet and introverted while high on marijuana, so it makes it difficult to maintain conversations, sometimes even eye contact. Basically, I resent that a girlfriend interferes with my unrestricted access to smoking marijuana, and the mental and emotional state of being high.
Family: I am lucky to have a family that does not demonize marijuana. They are unaware of the extent of my addiction and I feel ashamed of it. I always thought that there were great expectations for me (from both family and myself) that haven’t been met because of my chronic marijuana addiction.
Conversation: I consider myself to be a well-spoken articulate person - when sober. Sometimes my memory gets so bad I forget what I was saying, the word I wanted to say, or I mispronounce a word. If I am itching for weed, my mind is elsewhere and I may space out and not pay attention to the other half of the conversation. I am not as sharp, while high, as I am when sober.
Social Anxiety and Paranoia: When I am in public and stoned, I think I hear people talking about me and laughing at me sometimes. Even though I know this not to be the case, I get quite anxious and embarrassed. I struggle to make eye contact with people when I am baked, and am more likely to introvert myself and my thoughts, body language, and actions. I would never go and chat up a group of girls while stoned - I could do it sober far more easily. I also get anxious about driving, about smelling like pot around coworkers and the general public. I also worry about coworkers, friends, and family knowing about how bad I crave pot, and how much of a stoner I am. No 6 year old says “I want to grow up to be pothead”.
See Also
How to Quit Smoking Marijuana
Part 1 Physical Reasons to Quit Marijuana
Part 2 Psychological Reasons to Quit Marijuana
Part 4 Financial Reasons to Quit Marijuana
Posted by admin on November 26, 2007
Hey All,
For those of you who are returning guests, I have changed the look of the blog. The last template I was using was not flexible enough for me. When I get some money, I may contact the original designer to see if he is willing to modify the old template for me and the additional things I need.
Things are going very well today, I found a roach in my room, and threw it away! I did so immediately before I could change my mind.
I will follow up at the end of the evening.
Posted by admin on November 23, 2007
I quit marijuana. I am sober. Happy Thanksgiving.
Yesterday was my last day being a marijuana smoker. I ran into my ex-dealer at my local pub and he smoked me up.
I have not had anything today, and I don’t have any left. I do not smoke pot anymore. I am healthy. I am healthy. I crave health.
I have been at this stage before, but I have always relapsed. I know that this blog and support from internet community will help me achieve my goal permanently. The plan from here is to write daily journals of my progress, and more detailed posts on specific techniques or concepts that are helpful to me.
Days Sober: 1
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