Another day without smoking pot. Today was a better day. I was extremely busy today, and did not experience any intense cannabis withdrawal symptoms. The anxiety and dread that I was feeling is definitely in recession. I know that I am only 8 days in, but I feel like the worst part of the psychological detox is past me. Now I will need to deal with sobriety on a daily basis. The physical detox will take up to 3 months for all of the fat-soluble thc to be free from my system. Only after 3 months will I consider myself ‘clean’ from weed. Clean is not the same thing as recovered!
Sleep was also better last night – I got 7 hours and only woke up once. When smoking weed, I seemed to wake up a lot more during the night. Sometimes I would even awake, smoke a roach, then head straight back to bed. It appears that marijuana makes sleep come easy, but the quality of sleep is worse than a sober sleep would be. Anyone find the same thing happening to them.
Bucking Faked requested the ability to blog on their progress. I will be configuring and opening a Marijuana Addiction Support Forum this weekend. I don’t know if it will be on this site, or on another domain…I still need to work out the logistics.
I have to keep this entry short as I have friends visiting. I worked hard and kept very busy today. I feel like my head is clearing up and it is getting easier to focus for short periods of time. I still have a cold and sore throat, so feel slightly under the weather. Each day I am sober, things will get cleared and brighter. I am going to spend more time reading, learning, and maybe even blogging!
But I smoked today as well. I got a little bit last night and smoked this evening while I cleaned, and before my friends arrived. It felt great, no burnout, my head was clear for the rest of the night. What a horrible thing. Before I wrote this, I didn’t feel bad about it, but now that I see it on the page, it is really upsetting. WTF am I doing if I want to quit that badly. I can’t smoke just a little….its the addict in me. I will dispose of the rest of the pot I have left. About $20 worth. Sober Tomorrow!
Days Sober: 0
I have put a lot of time into this blog in the last week. It is up and running now and developing nicely, even though the poll is still messed up. Next week I promised myself not to drink or smoke. It will be easier not to smoke if I am not in a drinking environment. I will also not be exposed to as many regular smokers, thus will be able to avoid that temptation. I am going to have to develop some resistance to social pressures, and will spend part of the next week investigating how.
This is Part #4 of a 4 part series on my reason to quit smoking weed.
As seen in Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3, I believe that it is a great idea to create an inventory of all of the reasons that I want to quit smoking weed. This servers 2 purposes: To clarify the negative effects of marijuana addiction in my life, and to use as a reference guide when I crave smoking pot, and think about relapsing. The Negative Effects of Marijuana on my Finances:
Cost of Marijuana: My previous post on How Much my Addiction to Pot Has Cost Me, shows how expensive this habit can become. Add it up for yourself, its amazing what happens when this goes unchecked in the long term.
Paying Bills: I forget to pay my bills on time, or even open them. I always leave my banking to the last possible moment. My cell phone frequently gets disconnected. In the past, I have had TV and Phone service disconnected. Not because I didn’t have the money, just I was stoned all the time and never thought of it.
Planning Ahead: I haven’t saved anything for a house. I don’t plan well or have a budget from month to month. I tend to live in the current moment, or just far enough ahead in the future when stoned. Being in the stoned bubble really blurs the ability to look into the future.
Incidental Expenses: I eat a lot of low nutrition, high cost foods when I smoke marijuana. After smoking pot, its common to get the munchies and eat fast food. Also, I am less motivated to make my own food, or even go the grocery store to get new food. When not smoking, I eat healthier and am more conscious of my food choices.
I smoked again today. I took a couple of hits of a pipe from a friend of mine. I had a couple of pints of beer in me that probably affected my judgment. The circumstances are remarkably similar to my last relapse. I still have not purchased any marijuana or smoked it alone, so I am making significant forward progress. I am gaining will power every day and starting to unravel the habitual pattern I have been in for the last 7 or so years. I still have a bunch of work ahead of me.
Thanks to everyone for their support and comments. I have to wrap up Part 3 of my Reasons to Quit series. Whenever I write, I stay on track and motivated.
I went out tonight, around 9:00 to a local pub to have a couple pints, well this girl tells me her friend digs me, then her friend and I chat for a while. They both leave after getting my number and calling my phone. I headed home around 1:00 am, and I turned on my oven to hot knife the last of my pot (the 2 roaches). I was about to stick the knives in the oven, when I hear a knock on the door. So I answer it, and its a guy telling me the third floor is on fire (no joke). We head up to check it out, and its the apartment of a girl I had met a couple weeks ago. I knock on the door and she answers, she says she has burned some steak, because she fell asleep as it was cooking. We talked and then hooked up for a bit, but I didn’t want to stay because of the weed that I had to smoke and the oven element I had left on! On the back of my mind was the thought that I wasn’t stoned and could be. Just goes to show how my marijuana addiction interferes with my daily operations.
So I went home and smoked the two roaches. I also found a tiny piece in the microwave on top of my old container.
I hear another knock on the door. But this time I am stoned and paranoid, I creep up and its the girl from upstairs, I had left my glasses. She could smell the pot on me and didn’t look impressed. Weed has has been a problem in many of my relationships. All too often, I have chosen the comfort of mary jane rather than a real woman.
Looks like quit day is tomorrow. I still believe I am on the right track…Just getting rid of the last of it. Regardless, tonight was fun.
This is basically how my mind functions when I am stoned and need to get something important accomplished.
I have gone through days of being stuck in a stoned stupor with a loop like this playing in my head. This is one of my major reasons for wanting to quit smoking marijuana. A-motivational syndrome is real and has been devastating to my personal and work life. Sometimes, I will let my laundry stack up for weeks at time, while I sit in front of the computer or TV stoned and bored. Bills and Rent dont get paid on time, I don’t know how much money is in my bank account, and I eat fast food instead of preparing meals. Anything to do less, while I sit in my cannabis coma. When I run out of pot, one of the first things I do is clean up my house! Finding the next bag has been something I am good at. I will have to formulate so strategies for avoiding and deflecting those situations.
Imagine what it is like to always be telling yourself “I have to do this”, “I am going to do that”, and never getting off of your ass to do it. It feel guilty for not following through on the promises to myself. Learning how to quit smoking marijuana will help me grow in other areas of my life and accomplish other goals.
It has taken me years to actually do something constructive and and quit smoking pot by tackling the issue head on.
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