Posted by admin on November 28, 2007
Today was a pretty good day. I ended up having a puff, which is not good, but I have identified the pattern that leads to these relapses and will close off that opportunity. I have some friends coming in to town this weekend, so I will be busy with them and be able to get a couple of days under my belt.
Next week, I am not allowed to go and hang out at the local pub. I may extend this all the way through to Christmas. Each time I have messed up, it has been from meeting up with folks there. This is clearly an old habit and way of thinking that I need to change.
I did, however, sleep like a baby last night. In my first week, I went from smoking about 25 times to only 3. This is progress. Progress is all I am looking for, perfection comes later.
Days Sober 0
Posted by admin on November 27, 2007
Today started off pretty poorly. As I mentioned in my previous journal entry, I drank a bit and got stoned last night. This caused me to wake up late this morning so I am wide awake at 12:00 AM tonight.
I did not smoke any pot or drink today. I ate a couple of healthy meals and kept busy. Around 10pm this night I got a little bit depressed and went for a walk around my neighborhood. The fresh air definitely helped. I stopped in at a pub and met a cute girl, I didn’t drink while there and beat the local bar pro at darts.
I have been focusing a lot of time on exploring my addiction. I am still on the phase of documenting the toll it is taking on my life, my next step will be to proactively conquer my addiction.
I wrote a post today about the negative effect of marijuana and relationships. I struggled with low self esteem for from about age 16-21, until I started smoking pot. Pot gave me friends and a nice bubble reality to exist in. There were plenty of smokers, and the bond found in the weed circle was comforting at that time. I am going to dig deeper into the self-esteem and marijuana connection on another day. Time to read a book and head to bed!
Days Sober: 1
Posted by admin on November 25, 2007
I had my first marijuana addiction relapse. Well. Looks like I am back to square one….or will be when I get sober again. Dammit. 2 days is pretty shitty.
I was craving a lot this evening and wounded up guiding my evening around smoking. I made a choice at a certain point smoke, and smoke I did… I met up with people who planned to smoke, so I knew I would be exposed to it. I need to avoid those situations. I also contemplated not writing about it in the blog because I thought it might be “a one time thing”. But everyone gets to hear what really happens. If I can be honest with myself, I can kick this thing. I have learned a lot already. Addicted I am.
I did have a great time tonight. I have been on this incredible streak with women in the last month or so. I went out and was waiting at the counter when a SUPER hot girl, seriously 10/10 stunning, walked up and said she was waiting for her friend next door. I asked her is she wanted to be partners playing darts against another two, she agreed, and we played 1/2 a game of darts. We flirted mildly until she flaked out and met her friend.
She came back, as I saw her, I looked back and saw her purse. I handed it to her without saying anything. She says “You don’t want my number?” I told her I would give her mine. She said she wouldn’t call and I took hers down. I highly doubt she will answer the phone when I text/call. She is used to having power over men because of her looks, because I was nonchalant, I think she wanted to prove herself to me. I am not a person who plays women, but this is going to take some creative thinking….cause she is used to A LOT of attention.
Days Sober 0
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