My name is Lana and I am a college dropout, and this is my story. I had wonderful dreams for my future, a fantastic scholarship for college. I had a very high GPA in my first year of college until I started to associate with people who smoked marijuana. Everyone told me it was safe and would help me relax. I was hesitant, but eventually I started smoking myself, and before long I was smoking it every day. What I found was that skipping class and getting high was more important to me then college, my family or social activities.
So, more weed meant less class, and less class meant a lower GPA and eventually I was asked to leave school, as my GPA plummeted downwards. I did not recognize right away that the marijuana I was smoking was interfering with my grades, attitudes and behaviors, I found myself smoking in broad daylight, like that was OK. I would wake up and the first thing I thought about was smoking my marijuana and at times thought I might need to go to detox or treatment because people were telling me I was an addict.
I found the effects from marijuana included difficulty with my thinking and problem-solving and had impaired my memory. I couldn’t remember what I was doing half the time. I was lethargic and not motivated and became very self-centered.
The more I was smoking, the harder it is to stay fully focused on my schoolwork. “Everyone’s different, and that’s what it comes down to for me.” I couldn’t get my work done, my schedule was unbalanced. My relationships were falling apart. My mother was furious with me and I was stepping all over her personal boundaries. I did what I wanted and was never sober from the weed I was smoking. I was not in my right mind, I was always foggy, and my emotions became erratic.
Then came the day that I stole money from my mother to pay for my habit. That was the day I will never forget. My life was falling apart, I was hiding the fact that I was failing all my classes and was lying to her. Telling her everything was fine, and I knew it was not. I was in complete denial. That day I needed money to buy my weed and went in her purse and took it. She knew immediately that it had been me that had stolen from her. That day tarnished our relationship as mother and daughter for a long time to come. She could not trust me anymore.
My dream as a little girl was to be a marine biologist and I had worked very hard all through my years in school. To achieve high standards for myself, to set goals, and get the best of grades. It paid off when I received that scholarship to college. I was raised by my mom, a single mom, one who had sacrificed her own self to help me become what I wanted, the same mom that I stole money from that day, so I could get high and smoke more weed.
With the loss of that scholarship, no personal funds available, I was not able to return to college and finish my degree. I was able though with the help of professionals and the 12-step fellowship program that I attend, to stop smoking marijuana and I have been stepping sober since 2015. I would like people to hear my story and help them understand the dangers of marijuana use while trying to attend college. That it’s not that safe drug that many would like to think it is. I know this, as I gave my future, that college experience that I so wanted all my life and mothers trust just, so I could smoke it. For more information please make sure to check out daylight detox.